The year draws to a close...

And I would like to beat my pastor. I thought my best solution was to drop out of orchestra, but noooooo, the sermon this morning was on faithfulness. Gee, How can I deal with this situation, huh? I don't know! It continues to eat at me, even this morning though we didn't play.

Anyway, There are boys, guys, and gentlemen. I've noticed even gentlemen act like boys sometimes, and even boys have their moments. These labels are not of age but of maturity. For the boys trying to be gentlemen, I salute you. In a world where the hormonal thirteen-year-old mindset is the norm, those of you who diligently strive to be the strong gentlemen you were created to be, though you probably fail at times, are to be commended. Don't give up.

Book, book, vain of my existence

Elisabeth Elliot must have been one of the most blessed graduating college students ever. She knew exactly what the object of her affections thought of her. Also, they both agreed marriage wasn't God's will a the time. Singleness and knowing someone cares about you? The best of both worlds!

So, if more than one person ever reads this, you are probably all calling me a sick puppy right now. She was completely torn inside over the situation, but one must realize that I don't desire marriage. I am, however lonely and would like very much to have any friends with whom I could spend time. I'm not attractive, nor has any reasonable guy ever been attracted to me. And so, I would joyfully take Matthew 19:12, if such a verse could apply to girls as well as guys. The problem with this, though, is reading such books and trying diligently to seek God has taken me closer to the other path. Mind you, from a purely academic perspective, it is good to learn new things. From the neutral, Jedi-like point of view, one needs to understand people in order to better help them. I do not, however, like the unbidden side effect of growing affections. It shouldn't matter anyway, as no reasonable guy could fall for me, but it is driving me insane. The more I try to do God's will, the more this becomes a problem. If this is simply a test, then I have and continue to fail. It is difficult caring about people knowing most want little if anything to do with you. It isn't difficlt to car, but it is difficult to deal with caring. It's painful I'd rather a person be completly honest with me, even if they don't want anything to do with me, but please, don't keep reminding me! I am not dense. I will not forget what you have said to me. On the other hand, if things change, I would also like to be told, as I will continue to assume what is told to me until told otherwise, even if actions contradict the words.

Completely random, as this poor brick of bread seriously needs some leven. I now have a level 30 gnome mage on World of Warcraft. I will cease playing on Jan 15 to focus on college, but have found this game very thereaputic. It allows me to interact with people without them focusing on my appearance. Well, girls are seriously outnumbered in this game, and my little lvl 30 gnome mage is pretty cute with her lilac pig tails. I don't like random guys heavily flirting with her, though. Last night some guy kept blowing kisses to her, but wasn't being helpful. grrr I think that I will post a picture of both of my characters before I kill my subscription for awhile.

Blog blog

This is my attempt at blogging almost every day until January 15. What happens that day? I become a hermit to finish my BS in computer science. I either have 3 hard semesters of hermit hood or 4 semesters and take some basic education electives. I'm warning you, you may not hear from me for days\weeks\months at a time if you know me. If this happens and you actually miss me, please e-mail\call\IM me. I probably need the break, and no, I don't hate you.

I am contemplating taking a break even from orchestra. *gasp* Why? Because there's a relational problem between myself and someone else that I need to get away from for a bit becuase it's not getting better, and trying to work on it is only hurting me. That, and the next series pastor's planning is going to bore me to tears. Sorry, I'm not married, not dating, and have no children, therefore none of that series will directly apply to me right now.

A book...

I'm reading Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot. Why? Because someone thought it a good read for singles. Ok, granted, I am single, and granted 99.9% of singles would benefit from reading this book, but when have you known me to be outside that .1%? The author in college really wanted to marry, but logically thought it not possible because she felt called to the mission field. Then she meets this cute guy, falls for him, then he breaks it off thinking they couldn't marry. She uses her own example with journal entries from that time in her life to address real issues most singles face. It's a very good read for 99.9% of the single population.

Howsomeever...

I'm in the .1% who would rather not marry. For the record, though, I am trying very hard to submit to God and mean it when I say I will do has He commands, even if it means marriage. Honestly, I'd pity the poor guy God will have already chosen. It seems less likely than a year ago, because I no longer have a mentor. She tired of trying to mentor me short of helping much, and I am left very discouraged. I lack the encouragement I think I would need to get me past the fear of even taking an interest in a guy. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Philosophies of a clarinet player

In my observations, there are three basic types of couples, not including pure neutral which rarely occurs anyway. These are the titles I have given them:

1. "Get a room"
2. "Dramatic rolling of the eyes"
3. "You could put someone in a diabetic coma"

Translation:

1. The relationship is purely or overwhelmingly physical in nature. There seems to be no solid foundation and is doomed to fail.
2. The relationship is pretty decent all around, but still heavy on the physical aspect. These are the people who are often overly affectionnate in public. At least there's a foundation outside of the physical stuff, and so though it might be hard at times these can endure.
3. I generally think of these as the cute old couples. You know who they are. You may never see them more than hold hands in public, but there's something about them that's far deeper than the other people out there. A wrecking ball couldn't separate these couples, and neither could one of them being called to the other side of the world for a time. It's a superglued relationship. When they said "til death do they part", they meant it.

I've now seen all three of these. I've never been a part of any of these, and don't expect to, as I have difficulty understanding any of them.

Daniel in the Lion's den...

Or in this case, Amanda Kay attending the Clarksville Branch of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) Christmas fellowship\program. For my brothers out there, they run on APO time, for the rest of you, they run about 15min late, or as they say, on Mormon time.

Anyway, it was your typical small church gathering, or so it appeared, except that they closed the evening with a song to Joseph Smith and prayed using King James English. That song was quite uncomfy with me, and I wasn't so comfy there, though the people were nice.

My step-niece sings very well, and not just for a fourteen year old. She sang two songs a this meeting, which btw is why I was there. My step sister and her family are Mormons. Her husband is the current branch president.

Anyway, it's hard to understand how people believe these things, but then you will believe what you are raised to believe unless someone shows you otherwise.